Happy Birthday Toba; Happy Birthday. It’s been so long since we last spoke I barely know what to say. You are present everyday. You affect our conversations in so many little ways-your laughter is a soft wind that blows soothing sounds into the love and light I share with our mummy.
Your stoic silence reminds us to
remain strong as we face the path ahead knowing you are not there-but you are
at the same time-in our thoughts, our words, our decisions to move forward-you
urge us along.
Happy
Birthday. This time last year was a mixture of poison and pain but purpose
spoke the loudest when your gift remained through the words you have enabled me
to speak, through your ability to still reach beyond the divide and provide
laughter in our beings.
Happy
Birthday. I hope you are enjoying yourself up there-I know your love for music
was always the strongest-it would pound through your ears, through those
earphones that were your permanent fixtures as you stared-into the
distance-dreaming, thinking, planning, believing and walking confidently ahead.
Happy
Birthday. I remember your smile the brightest-it was a signal for mischief we
shared-whenever your serious but steady demeanor broke into a reverie of
anticipation-your smile was the blare-it would shine through the darkness and
melt my fears. You always had the ability to do that-to remind me who I was
when I would forget, to whisper wisdom when I was unsure of who I was-you
gently focused my stare.
Happy
Birthday. This would have been your 22nd year-what a joy it would
have been to see you grow even more sure in your determination to bring dreams
forth. Your broad shoulders that remained steady through the storm. That
confident clean walk you had that could stop any daunting fears from coming
forth.
Happy
Birthday. As I write these words, I remember our conversations back home in the
comfort of the couch we spoke-you showed me so much hope-such fire lit your
steps it made me afraid for your safety as you ventured ahead. And you had such
an aura it could tense the air-it was a palpable presence that seemed to draw
people near. I remember its share force-it came before you walked into the
room-it announced your presence so clearly all eyes focused on your steps.
Happy
Birthday. I remember now, yes I can see, through the misty film of the past,
your colours blare clearly. I remember how you would speak-quiet, confident and
sure-certainty wrapped itself around every word. I was terrible at defending
myself when we fought with words-your edge was sharper than mine and had an
instinct about it that blocked each clever clap back.
Happy
Birthday. I miss you. Mummy does too. Two years since you left-a lot has
changed in your absence. I mean, I know you are here-I feel you everyday when I
speak and share-I feel you in my actions, my words and movements. But when I
lost the ability to reach you-and for you to reach me-when we lost the ability
to hold each other tightly as family-is when reality shifted.
Your
presence that spoke so powerfully into the environment had lost its essence.
The hopes of the future you so colourfully painted and shared with my eyes and
eager ears broke into darkness and even then, I could feel your concern-you
were afraid of the cost of your departure-you were right; it was very dear-a
heavy weight that nearly crushed us with its full force-we broke down in a
state that is deeper than tears. And mummy, well she survived that storm-you
will be proud-she remained so strong even though the death blow hit her
squarely in her heart where you belonged.
But
Toba, I want you to understand-today is your birthday-and we are grateful you
were born. We are grateful your light shone brightly through each and every
storm. We are grateful for that beautiful laughter that decorated our lives. We
are grateful you lived your life. We are grateful for each shard of the past
that represents the memories we have.
Happy
Birthday. I am honored to be your sister-I am honored to call you friend until
the very end-I am proud of the man you were-your heart was always laid bare.
You were true to yourself, you cared for others, you were determined to share
yourself and to the weak you provided strength; so today I celebrate your life.
Happy
Birthday Toba-today we choose to smile. I see you so clearly and yet I see you
barely but I will always remember that smile-the way you chose to live your
life-determined to succeed; determined to embrace destiny. And now you dance in
eternity.
Happy
Birthday Tyler Hendrix Fray-until we meet again-the journey unfolds unto a path
of hope-lit with your smile, your confident gaze and that steady walk
accompanied with wise words-I face forward. We miss you. We love you. We will
never forget you.
Happy
Birthday Toba-from your sister, your friend, your advocate always-I carry your
memories, our fights, laughter and tears-I carry it all in my heart as we move
forward-you still live on woven into the details of our hearts that spring
forth when we correspond.
Happy Birthday. We love
you-forever and always.
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